If Larkin had written about running

When I was at school we had a very impassioned English teacher who loved Philip Larkin. He instilled in me a love of one of the least lovable men in English literature. And possibly his most famous poem inspired me to pen a parody this morning. I give you “This Be The Session” not by Philip Larkin!

They fuck you up, your coach’s plans.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They give you all the sessions they had
And add some extra, just for you.

But they were fucked up in their turn
By fools in old-style hats and tracksters,
Who half the time were banging on
About how it used to be in their day.

Man hands on misery to man.
It deepens like a coastal shelf.
So get out and do your session today,
And put it on Strava to prove your worth to yourself.

For proper poetry from a proper runner (though not all about running, of course), check out Blah Poems.


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